


Are You Lonely Just Like Me?

by jinglebin



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pretty Woman Fusion, M/M, have to update these as i go along, i mean that's where it started anyway, influences of grey's anatomy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-04-06 16:42:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14061123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinglebin/pseuds/jinglebin
Summary: Isak is 26, just started a surgical residency, and still in the closet. Keeping the secret has started taking too much of a toll, and Isak decided he can't take it anymore. He's still nervous about seeing guys though, and that leads him to the internet. And the internet leads him to Even.





	Are You Lonely Just Like Me?

**Author's Note:**

> Here I go, attempting a multichapter. I hope you enjoy x

Ok. Calm down.  _ Calm Down. _

Isak is still staring at his dad’s name on the back of the letter he’s holding in his hands. A feeling of unease settled in his stomach the second he read it, and he’s trying not to freak out. His mind is running through about ten different possibilities of what it could say, and only one isn’t completely horrible. This isn’t  _ fair. _ Leave it to his dad to still give him anxiety from beyond the grave. It’s remarkable the effect that man still has on him, when Isak hadn’t spoken to him in years before he died. He really doesn’t have time to worry about this now, let alone muster up the courage to actually read the letter. Why did he even open his mailbox before his shift anyway? Isak takes a deep breath before resolutely shoving the letter back inside and closing his mailbox. 

He makes his way to the subway trying his best to keep his attention on not getting crushed in the morning crowds of New York City. He’s not sure he’ll ever get used to the hustle and bustle of Manhattan. The amount of people on the streets only sets him more on edge, and he was already stressed because of the letter. Isak lets himself retreat into his own head, before it gets too much, which isn’t altogether a great idea. His head is not a place he wants to be right now. His mind goes back to his dad’s a letter and a wave of guilt washes over him. His skin suddenly feels too hot and too tight, and he really just wants to run back home and hide in his apartment. 

Except, well, his apartment isn’t exactly the safe space it used to be. Because Emma is there now. She only moved in two weeks ago, and Isak already regrets it so much. Asking her to move in with him is becoming a contender for stupidest decision he’s ever made, and it’s not like his life is lacking those. Even if Emma wasn’t there, it’s not like he could actually go back to his apartment and hide from the world. He let’s go of his childish fantasy and returns his attention to the world around him. Somehow he has made it to the subway station in one piece. 

He manages to remain calm while waiting for the next train by counting in his head. It’s a strategy that usually works well for him, since it never takes long between trains. He only makes it to 134. He gets onto the train and finds a place to stand, grabbing onto a pole for balance, without touching anyone. It’s quite an accomplishment. Isak doesn’t like to touch strangers and, on a busy subway, that’s usually almost impossible. It’s makes him feel slightly better, and he needs whatever boost to his mood he can get before he gets to work. He hasn’t exactly been doing a bang up job lately, and he’s getting worried people will start to notice. 

Actually, he’s _terrified_. He’s been so sleep deprived he’s constantly filled with worry that he’ll make a mistake that will either cost someone their life or will cost him his internship. He knows he can’t keep this up, but he’s digged himself too deep into this lie. It’s gotten too hard to get out of it. He’s been hiding such a big part of himself from everyone he knows for all his life, and he doesn’t know how to stop. He’s probably reaching the point where he _has_ _to_ stop. But how is he supposed to muster up the energy to do it, when his lies eat away at him every night, making him lose sleep, and keeping him dead on his feet all day. He just can’t. It’s like a constant loop of misery. 

It should be comforting that the only person he’s ever told is now six feet under. The truth is, ever since his dad died, his reasons for keeping his secret seem stupider and stupider. He’s been keeping up this façade for a man who told his scared teenage son that he was only imagining being into boys. A man who left a few months later anyway. Presumably because he could no longer deal with Isak’s mom. Then again he survived her and her mental illness for fifteen years, so Isak just assumed he couldn’t deal with having a gay son. Isak locked himself firmly in the closet after that. He barely spoke to his father at all, but he was afraid of prompting the same reaction that he got from his father out of others. That fear’s been building for so many years that no matter how much logic Isak throws at it, he just can’t quite convince himself that people won’t leave him when they find out he’s gay. 

So now he’s stuck with a live-in girlfriend at age 26, worried he’s about to get booted from his residency during his first year and feeling absolutely  _ stuck. _ He’s pissing people off at work because he’s so lost in his head and caught up in his own worries that he can’t pay attention to what they’re saying. He’s pissing of Emma because he’s always so tired he doesn’t have time for her. And mostly he’s pissing off himself because he’s a grown ass man still hiding his sexuality and keeping up pretenses for everyone. 

He makes it off the subway without touching anyone too, and he’s starting to feel – despite the letter – that this day might be going too well for him. The feeling intensifies when he spots Eva waiting outside the door for him, holding a large cup of coffee. Her smile falters when she sees his face. He knows he looks pretty terrible. 

“I got you a coffee,” she says unnecessarily, “because you always look exhausted lately, yet you refuse to take care of your own caffeine needs.”

“Thanks, Eva.” Isak holds the door open for her, and they head inside together. He’s not quite sure why she still bothers to care about him. Surely it’s a bit strange to keep hanging out with your ex-boyfriend's best friend. Not that Isak is complaining, because after Jonas broke up with Eva, he decided to move to Boston and leave him behind. It’s not like Isak has many people he can talk to. For someone reason Eva still wants to be his friend, so he’s not going to complain. 

“Maybe you should get a prescription for some sleeping pills.” Eva interrupts his train of thought. 

Now, there’s an idea. Isak hadn’t really considered it since medicating himself so he can fall asleep seems a bit extreme. He has no doubt it would work though, and it might get him out of this vicious circle. 

“You know I might be able to get you in with the new psychiatrist today.”

“How?” 

“We’ve been having lunch,” Eva says with a shrug. 

She’s got a dreamy smile on her face that’s honestly a bit disconcerting. It’s eerily similar to the expression she used to wear when staring at Jonas. It makes him uncomfortable even when it’s not directed at someone he used to have a crush on.

“Why do you look like that?” 

“Like what?” 

“Like you like her.”

“I do like her.”

“No like you _like_ _her_ like her.”

“I do? I’m not getting what’s so hard to understand about this.” 

“Oh. So you’re – “

“Yes, Isak, I’m bisexual.” 

Isak’s not sure what confuses him the most. The fact that she mentions this so casually like it’s not a big deal at all, or the fact that he didn’t know this about her. Actually, the second part is probably not that surprising. She’d been with Jonas pretty much since the moment he met her, and they only broke up two months ago. There’d been no reason for her to bring it up, and he imagines it must be quite exhausting to keep coming out to everyone. It’s not like he can judge. He hasn’t come out to  _ anyone. _ The first part is harder for him to wrap his head around. He realizes it’s probably not a big deal – to her. He wishes he could be more like her. 

“Ok,” Isak replies. “If you want to risk a possible relationship with her just to ask her to do a favor  _ for me _ I’m not going to stop you, but I don’t think it’s worth it.” 

“It’s worth it,” Eva sighs. “Seriously, you can’t keep running around like this, it’s hard to watch and probably dangerous.”

“Alright. Thanks, Eva.” 

They part ways, with Eva heading to the nurses’ station and Isak going to the locker room so he can change into his scrubs. He’s praising Eva for bringing him coffee, because he at least feels somewhat alive by the time he starts morning rounds. In fact he might be slightly more attentive than Chris, who’s busy flirting with Ingrid. She’s shushing him but also looks flattered. Mutta is watching them in amusement. Sana, of course, looks well rested and is listening attentively to doctor Aspeflaten. 

“Alright,” She’s saying loudly, obviously trying to gain everyone’s attention. “Next patient is Eskild Tryggvason, a thirty year old male, complaining of abdominal pain.” 

She walks up to a bed in which a slim guy with red hair is laying. 

 

“Good morning, Mr. Tryggvason. So you’ve got abdominal pain. Do you have any idea what may be causing it?” 

“Well, someone just told me that flavoured lube isn’t actually all that healthy to eat, so it may be that.” 

Isak l catches the patient’s eye. The guy actually winks at him. 

“Right,” doctor Aspeflaten says. “That wouldn’t cause continuous abdominal pain. Where is the pain located?” 

“Here,” he says as he’s pointing at his right flank. 

“Okay,” she addresses us, “so what do you think we’re dealing with here?” 

“It’s probably appendicitis.” Sana says.

“Why don’t you check doctor Bakkoush.” 

She  moves over to the patient and applies pressure to his side.

“This is where it hurts?” 

“Yes.” 

“Okay, when I let go of the pressure tell me if it hurts worse or less.” 

Sana removes her fingers from the man’s stomach and he winces in pain.

“Yeah, that’s worse.”

“It’s appendicitis.” She says confidently. 

“Correct. We’re gonna go ahead and schedule you for surgery Mr. Tryggvason. Bakkoush you’re scrubbing in.” 

She can’t help the smirk that spreads across her face.

“I have no idea what you’re so happy about,” Isak says. “It’s just an appendectomy. Isn’t general surgery beneath you?” 

“It’s still a surgery.” Sana counters. “Maybe if you were a little more alive you could’ve gotten it. Isn’t general surgery your ultimate dream.” 

“Hey, it lets you help a lot of different people.” 

“It might be good enough for you, Isak, but I’ve got my sights set higher. 

“Yeah, yeah, you’re gonna fix people’s heart so you can hide the fact that you don’t have one of your own.” 

Sana frowns. “That’s a bit harsh.” 

“Sorry,” Isak says and he means it. “As you’ve noted I’m sleep deprived, and it makes me mean.” 

“You should work on that, since I’m one of the only people who actually talks to you.” 

She’s not wrong, not that Isak has much interest in getting along with any of his other fellow interns. Ingrid eyed him a bit too much at first which made him uncomfortable, and when he told her he had a girlfriend she basically stopped speaking to him. Chris is fine. He tried to get Isak to engage in what he calls ‘bro talk’ with him, but he gave up on that when he found out Isak isn’t much of player. What a joke. Like he’d want to get lots of girls. Mutta – well come to think of it, Isak doesn’t really know anything about him. That’s on him though. 

“I don’t want them to talk to me, Sana.” 

“Maybe,” Sana admits, “but you have to admit our casual workplace banter makes the boring days easier to get through.” 

She’s got a point. He likes the friendly competition they’ve got going. She’s been doing so much better than him lately though, and it’s making him a bit bitter. 

The rest of the morning is pretty uneventful. Isak tries to soak up the information presented to him as best as he can. There’s just no case interesting enough to get him out of his stupor. He shoves some food down his throat during lunch, thinking he can maybe get away with taking a quick nap in the on-call room. He spots Eva on his way there though, and she beckons him over. She’s talking to Chris. He catches the end of their conversation as he gets nearer. 

“You don’t get to be upset I don’t want to sleep with you anymore, Chris. Do you think I don’t know you’ve been fucking Sara too? And I bet it wasn’t just the two of us.

Chris tries to look mildly affronted, but to Isak he just looks smug. He shrugs and walks off. 

“What was that about?” Isak asks Eva.

“He didn’t really take it well that I called off our arrangement. He tried to get me to tell him who it is that piqued my genuine interest.” 

“You didn’t tell him?” 

“Are you kidding? Can you imagine Chris’ reaction if I told him I also like girls? He’d probably ask to watch.” 

Isak doesn’t reply, but he imagines Eva is right. 

“Or he’d try to get you involved in a threesome.” 

Eva snorts. “He already tried that. With another guy. He just fucks guys and girls and falls in love with no one.” 

Well, that’s interesting. In the span of a day Isak’s learned he’s surrounded by two less straight people than he thought he was. He’s looking at Eva, and he’s thinking that maybe he could tell her. Well, not here at work obviously. But the thought doesn’t frighten him as much as it would have this morning. 

“You’re the one that slept with him.” 

“So what?” Eva retorts. “He’s hot and I was on the rebound.” 

Isak supposes objectively Chris is attractive. He’s not really his type though. And even if he was it’s not like he could verbally agree with Eva anyway. So he just shrugs. 

“What did you want to talk about?” He asks Eva instead. 

“Oh,” Eva seems like she’d forgotten. “Noora said she’s got some time for you after your shift.” 

“Oh, cool. Thanks again, Eva.” 

It hits Isak that despite Eva getting him this appointment as a favor, he’s not gonna get a prescription without talking about his problems. He’s already getting anxious about the meeting, and he’s still got half of his shift left. He’s trying to come up with a story that will be believable,  but won’t require him actually telling the truth. He  _ knows _ he’s going to have to, but he’s not going to start with a psychiatrist who he’s never met that Eva wants to date. Oh, help. Isak’s going to have to trust a complete stranger. And he knows she won’t be allowed to tell anyone whatever he mentions, but she’ll know. And she’s spending lots of time with his only friend in the city. He realizes Eva’s been talking to him, but he hasn’t paid attention to a single word. She seems to have asked him something and is waiting for reply.

“Err…” He can feel a blush rise to his cheek.

Eva sighs. “I said we should hang out outside of work sometime, Isak. We haven’t since Jonas and I broke up, and I miss hanging out with you. So we’ll get dinner soon?” 

“Oh,” Isak hesitates, he doesn’t want to commit to anything. “Yeah, maybe, Emma’s been getting pretty mad that I don’t spend time with her. You know, life of an intern: long hours, no sleep. It’s unpleasant for everyone who has to deal with me.”

“It’s okay if you don’t want to you know. It’s just that it doesn’t seem like you have many friends either.” She looks wistful, and Isak feels bad. At least his isolation is self-imposed, since he’s been shutting everyone out. Eva moved to the city and started dating Jonas immediately. She seems to be having trouble making friends. 

“No, I want to.” It’s not a lie. “I’ll let you know, I promise.” 

He says goodbye to Eva and resigns himself to surviving the rest of his shift tired. He doesn’t have time left for a nap. Isak tells himself that if he’s lucky, it will at least be one of the last days he has to spend this exhausted. 

He heads over to a different part of the hospital for his appointment with – Isak only knows she’s called Noora. Shit, he can’t exactly address a psychiatrist, who he has never met, by her first name. This is awkward. Her receptionist tells him she’s still in with her last client and instructs him to take a seat. Isak distracts himself by playing 2048 on his phone. There’s something about the game that calms him. Isak doesn’t have to wait very long before he’s called. 

“Isak Valtersen?”

He looks up and sees a slim blonde woman, with shoulder length hair and bright red lipstick leaning out of the office door. Isak knows she’s objectively beautiful. He can’t fault Eva for her taste. He wonders if she actually has a shot with Noora. 

“That’s me.” 

“Noora Sætre.” She introduces herself and extends her hand. 

He shakes it. “Nice to meet you.” 

“Likewise.” She gestures for him to enter his office. 

It’s a bit of awkward shuffling while Noora – doctor Sætre? He doesn’t even know what to call her – gestures for him to take a seat. Isak is hoping she’ll speak first, but she’s taking him in intently, and he’s starting to feel more awkward by the second. 

“So,” she says eventually. “What brings you here?” 

“I– I uhm,” Isak stutters, “I haven’t really been sleeping lately, it’s starting to affect my daily life.” 

“Oh, that’s not good.”

Well, obviously it’s not good. That’s why he is here, isn’t it. Is she trying to annoy him on purpose?

“No…” Isak says, trying to keep the irritation out of his voice. 

“What is keeping you up, you think?” 

“I’m not sure.” 

“Look, Isak,” she sighs. “I can give you a two week prescription for some sleeping pills. It’s dangerous to go without sleep too long, especially for a doctor in a surgical residency, but you’re going to have to start talking to people about what’s bothering you. That can be me if you want. But you seem to have a great friend in Eva.” She smiles to herself when she says Eva’s name. “You’re not alone, just talk to someone. No one can get through life alone.” 

He leaves her office utterly confused, but with a prescription in his hand. That was an odd experience. He’s really not sure what to make of Noora. She does seem to like Eva. Isak hopes it’s in the same way Eva likes her. 

He picks up the sleeping pills on his way to his apartment. When he walks inside he’s surprised at the smell of food for a second. He still forgets Emma lives here now, and he’s home pretty late again. She looks annoyed at him. 

“I’ve been waiting with dinner for over half an hour.” Her voice is curt. 

“Sorry, I had an errand to run.” 

“You could’ve texted me!” 

Isak knows she’s got a point. He can’t exactly tell her the truth. That he didn’t text her because he didn’t think about it. That he barely thinks about her during the day at all. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think.” He tries to look apologetic and Emma’s face softens a bit.

“Let’s just eat.” 

They eat their dinner – which is very good, Emma’s a great cook – while Isak tries to pay attention to Emma’s story about something inane her boss made her do that day. He’s not really sure what it’s about. Something about getting a weird accessory for her dog? Isak is glad he never had to take a shitty job as someone’s assistant. He doesn’t think he would have liked it. They watch a silly romantic comedy after and Emma tries to get something going. She doesn’t get too upset at him when he shoots her down though. They have never had a lot of sex, even at the start of their relationship. Isak thinks Emma puts that down to him having a low libido. He feels a twinge of guilt for what he’s doing to her. She’s really not a bad person, and she deserves better than what Isak is giving her. 

He takes one of the sleeping pills as he’s getting ready for bed. Then he gets in next to Emma and allows her to snuggle up next to him. It’s nice, the comfort of another human body next to him. The bottle said the pills would take 30 minutes to kick in. Emma falls asleep pretty quickly. Isak can’t seem to shut his brain up though. He starts tossing and turning. He can’t seem to get comfortable and if he keeps this up he’s probably gonna wake Emma. 

When he sees his bedside clock hit midnight, he realizes the pills aren’t going to be the magic fix-it he hoped they would be. It’s been over an hour since he took them. When it’s ten minutes to one he slips out of bed quietly, grabs his phone and heads into the living room. He makes his way over to the other side and slides down against the wall. He feels a bit guilty at calling so late and waking him up, but he dials Jonas number anyway. It takes him a while to pick up.

_ ‘“Hello?”  _

“Hi, Jonas,” Isak whispers. 

_ “Isak? What’s wrong?”  _ Jonas sounds worried. 

“I have to tell you something and I should’ve done it a long time ago.” 

_ “Ok…”  _

“I’m gay.” 


End file.
